I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
