my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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