3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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