Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
