oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
