i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
