Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
