I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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