Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
