You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
