It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
whose parrot is this?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
