i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
