pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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