when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
a search helicopter?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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