I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
