Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
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dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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