Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
