you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
