after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
