The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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