sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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