just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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