you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
