i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
its liver damage thursday
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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