I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
