Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
