Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
