as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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