Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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