OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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