just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
