you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
