how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
