He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
