I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
cat food counts as protein by the way
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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