She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
