I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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