Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
