Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
