Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
