He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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