why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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