the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
me + whiskey = a bad person
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
