i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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