all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
