My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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