She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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