I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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