in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
