Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
