Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
