phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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