well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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