You're so nebulous sometimes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
