Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
