dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
