I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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