I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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