it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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