I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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