Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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