"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
