So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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