Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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