How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
