I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
