She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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