I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
