you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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