And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
