i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
