Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
