TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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