You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
