He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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