I smell stomach acid.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
